“Though we hopeful, yes I am hopeful for today. Take this music and use it, let it take you away and be hopeful, hopeful and he’ll make a way. I know it aint easy, but that’s okay cos we hopeful.”

For some reason I listen to that song and it gives me hope. Just like it did this week. The faith and the strength to guide me past each day. To make me look at the sky and be grateful for the surroundings I’ve been lucky to grow up in. Somehow I get the Hope through that song, just that push, the music it sings to me, it talks to me. That’s why I am here today.

In counselling I told my counsellor that I tell myself ‘Im no good enough’ and I do tell myself that and she said to me ‘But are you not good enough or is it just something you tell yourself.’ Like I said before its a complicated thing. I tell myself I’m not good enough, for myself, for the world, for anything. I don’t let myself be happy. I feel guilty being happy because then there are other people in the world who aren’t happy. It phases me that I think in such a way. I’m trying my best everyday, there’s nothing wrong with being happy or being good enoguh. I want to be both yet I don’t allow it. Its a personal issue and until I get past it I get that things aren’t always going to be great for me.

I’m just hopeful, that the sun will shine tomorrow. That God will give me the message I need everyday that he will guide me through life and help me to be what I want to be. But at the end of the day it happens through me.

My phrase of the month The Soul has no rainbow if the eye has no tears. I can cry, I can go through the hardships but it will lead me to happiness if I let myself be.

Its complicated but I’m hopeful and thats all that counts (i guess). x